This is the true story of a real infomercial millionaire. Susan Successful leveraged her free time and her hyperactive salivary glands into a multi-hundred dollar envelope labeling and licking home business. That was just the beginning. Then she learned REAL ESTATE SECRETS. And now she eats guacamole all day in her condo overlooking the
Let’s get the bandstands to gladrags success story from looking straight in at what comes from this gift horse’s mouth. Susan says:
“I was pitiful. My life was mostly just sitting at home, watching basic cable television during the forsaken midnight and dismal daytime hours with all the other unemployed, heartbroken insomniacs. I started by selling my extra gold jewelry I just had laying around under couch cushions and in dusty drawers and in my aunt Melba’s grave. I got my check and bought a computer and some computer-learning software from a nice elderly man with a moustache on TV. I started working in the home business industry, a multi-million dollar industry which does lots of stuff, some kind of stuff from home, for millions of dollars.
“I had a little extra cash from a government handout the guy with the question marks all over his suit told me about, and so I invested. What I invested in was my body. At that point I was working out 25 minutes a day on my ab-o-matic on which I had just made the fourth easy monthly payment. I was eating nothing but magic bullet wheat grass raspberry omelet smoothies. And my colon was completely cleansed, in a revolutionary way that the medical establishment doesn’t want you to know about. In short, thanks to infomercials, I was as fit as Chuck Norris and Tony Little’s love child (if they’d had one) who has been supplemented with all-natural Relacore and a steady regimen of Yoga Booty Ballet.
“One day I went in for an appointment at a sky scraper office when the elevators broke down. Stairs were no problem for me. But I bumped into a couple of men with extremely short legs, twins in expensive suits, struggling up the stairwells to their penthouse on the roof. So I snatched ‘em up like a late night TV opportunity and carried them up to the 63rd floor, one li’l millionaire on each shoulder. I practically flew up those stairs, as if on the wings of Bowflex.
“When we got to the top, they took me to the swimming pool where a Ferrari and some palm trees were parked in the background. There, I bent down and they whispered in my ear the two Secrets of real estate and of being a millionaire. Number one, ‘Get the heck out of real estate and into the real estate trade secret infomercial business’ and two, ‘Get your book promoted by Oprah.’ I shook their stubby hands, and the rest is history.”
Susan Successful is the epitome of the American Dream. It’s good to see that the Dream lives on in the entrepreneurial spirit. It lives on in the inspirational and self-help publication industry. It lives on in the CEO who finds a way to maximize profit for the American shareholder by outsourcing to
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