Sunday, September 16, 2012

Ode to Tall Women (long post)

I got this email from a friend of mine (who is also tall) and her prediction for Norah's future is so accurate it's uncanny. If you are a tall woman, you'll know exactly what I mean and some of the things she writes will hit home so hard it's almost painful remembering those inescapable teenage years. I posted this picture of Norah on Facebook and her aunt said she looked five years old, 2 1/2 years her senior. This email could be prophetic. And I wouldn't complain if Lincoln became my son-in-law.
Remember a long time ago when you said if you had to pick a spouse for Norah right then you would pick Lincoln? Here is what I see playing out. Norah leads a perfectly awesome life ... until middle school when she realizes she is 6 feet tall and the boy closest to her in height at school is 5'6". She realizes there are no boys to have crushes on. It's pretty okay though, because she is awesome ... and everyone promises the boys will grow by high school. Then she goes to high school and there are a handful of boys that are her height or taller but they all have crushes on the 4'11" cheerleader who just happens to be named Natalie. Ugh. But she feigns confidence in her height (and just happens to be a shoe in to the volleyball, basketball and track elite groups). It's not until high school is behind her that boys start showing up in adequate sizes. She meets a boy the likes of Andy Jorgenson when she goes off to college, but he dumps her to 'prepare for his mission.' (What does that even mean?) She dates a series of boys her own height and nothing seems to really fit. She finds another tall boyfriend, but it turns out that his height is about all he has going for him. (And he might be gay). She lowers her standard to someone her own height again and that sours. So, she goes for someone a little shorter. It turns out that middle school was the best preparation ground for the rest of her life. This shorter man is just what she needs for eternal happiness. And that is why I still think we should arrange a marriage for Lincoln and Norah. And, and because I think Norah is beautiful and I know my boys are going to be shallow.

 P.S. Her boys are not going to be shallow. I don't arrange marriages to short, shallow men.