Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Leap Year

I wanted to start a Leap Year tradition that my childrens' children would continue to enjoy. I thought and thought and then it hit me--Fish 'n Chips! Now, if you're like my husband you think on an obscure plane and have no idea how fish and chips are in any way related to Leap Year.

Follow me here. Leap, jump, kangaroo, Australia, fish and chips. Ridiculously simple, I know. And if you're thinking that fish and chips are an English thing and not an Autralian thing, let me correct you now before we have to call my Kiwi friend, Melissa Nakaya, again to settle any disputes. Other than her family, that deep fried delicacy is the one thing she misses from home. I told her that if it turned out well I would make it again and have her over for dinner sometime, which means we'll still have to be friends February 29, 2016 because that's the next time I'm going to make this dish. Not only is it a little labor intensive, but my arteries need some time to cool off.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Chestnut, Smith, Reagan, Wilson Go Camping at the Lake

Chestnut, Smith, Reagan, Wilson Go Camping at the Lake
by Hilary E. Smith

[Excerpt. The story begins with our protagonist and narrator (Smith, we presume) going to the mall with her 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade teachers. After they purchase a jean jacket, a jean shirt, tight leg jeans (Smith will never wear bell bottoms, we learn from other writings), boat shoes, a pink bow and a pink shirt, they discuss starting a rock band]

We looked so cool that this rock star guy came up to us and said, "Do you want to be in my band?"

"No thanks. We don't like your kind of music. We like our kind. They are: Beach Boys, Fat Boy, and Biesty Boys. On Beach and Fat Boys, we like Wipe Out. On Biesty Boys, we like 'I have a little story I've got to tell about three bad brothers you know so well.'"

So we walked away and went back to our apartment and just laid down our beds.

All of the sudden things just disappeared. So we called our number of our police department but it was someone else's phone number. So we got our squirt guns, put milk in it and squirted it at him and it made that person come to life. It was Jeff, Shawn, Greg, and Cory. We told them to get out.


We put on their least best song and it was our best song.

"Ugggghhh." And they left.

Then Mrs. Chestnut thought of an idea. "We could make our own band."
"That would be rad," said Laura.
"We have to be back Wednesday," said Mrs. Wilson.
"It's not like we're some neat, cool, rad people," I said.
"Yeah," said Mrs. Wilson.
"We don't need a band."
"Well, that is true, but..."
"See you even proved it."
"Well, I'm leaving."
"Please don't leave."
"Well, o.k. what are we doing in the band?"
"See, since I know Wipe Out the best," I said, "Let me be the lead singer."
"O.k., since you can do the Waa wa a wa wa wa waooo," Mrs. Chestnut said.
"Laura, you play the guitar and Mrs. Wilson, you play drums."

So we got up and practiced on the stage. We got it perfect on our first practice so we made tickets for the next day.

We got up and tried to sing but we couldn't. Everybody was screaming. We got confused and messed up so we went back home.

Since we were home, the house was a mess, so we cleaned it.

We wanted to go to Miami, Bahamas, and Florida so we voted. We live in Georgia so we were pretty close to all of them.

We wanted to go to Bahamas then Miami then Florida because then we would be back home.

We went to the Bahamas and had a blast. Then we went to Miami, it was okay. Then we went to Florida. We had a blast. First we got organized, then we went swimming of course. We had a big party. We invited everyone to it. We got packed and went home. When we got there, we saw that a robber was in the house, so we called up the police and they got him.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Elves and Wives

Andy occasionally compares his life to that of the cobbler who, upon waking every morning, had a new pair of shoes made in his shop.

"My tee shirt drawer is empty one day, then all of a sudden it's magically full again," he'll say.

What the cobbler doesn't understand is that there's no such thing as elves, but there is such thing as a wife.