Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I am so in love with Andy.

(Caution: This blog post has severe stereotyping weaved entirely throughout. Read at your own risk.)

If you don't recognize these two delightful women, you obviously need to get out more. Maybe you could start by attending one of the many events held during Boise's Gay Pride Week. Look for a short, heavyset woman with spikey, bleach-tipped hair who is plugged into her ipod. Tap her on the shoulder and ask her to whom she is listening. Chances are she's listening to Amy and Emily--two folky singer/songwriter lesbians more commonly referred to as the Indigo Girls.

My sister, Lyric, is a major fan of the Indigo Girls which, I believe, stems from her BYU days during the late 1900's. Anyone who ever lived in Provo at that time seems to love these guys and Erasure. Not sure what that means, but I'm kinda glad I chose the Hawaii campus. Anywayz, back to my story. Lyric called a couple months ago desperately trying to find someone to go this concert with her. I asked my hubby if it was okay. He said I could only go if I spiked my hair and wore denim shorts with a neon colored tank top. So it was on! I was going!

If you know any Smiths, you know that we (especially Lyric) are never early for anything. So in accordance with our family values, we arrived after everyone else had found their own perfect little patch of grass. We decided to chance it up front and found a lovely spot two feet from the stage--ideal spot for dancers to block our view, which never crossed our minds until all the dancers blocked our view.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? However, blog readers, you would all do well to remember: concert or no concert, when surrounded by lesbians dancing, caressing, and kissing each other never lower your guard.

The two women sitting next to us were the initiators of the dancing. If you've ever been to an outdoor concert you know the dance-initiator type--brave, unashamed, and most assuredly drunk. These switch-hitters were doing things I've never seen two women do before and which gave me nightmares for four nights. I swear these players were rounding second base and heading towards third (if ya know what I mean). Eventually more people joined in dancing, including unassuming, guard-lowered Lyric and me.

It took only a couple more beers for one of the two said women to try groping or kissing anyone within reach. Lyric was within reach. She pulled Lyric's head closer to her own in hopes of reaching first base. As frightened as she was, Lyric successfully blocked the advance (probably scarred for life) while I lunged at the boozer ready to knock her on her booty. The woman saw my defensiveness and assumed Lyric and I were "together" and looked scared for a minute. Rightfully so. I was like a mother bear protecting her older sister. Plus I was at least a foot taller and probably had 50 lbs on her.

Needless to say, the concert was a huge success impressing upon our minds fond memories and an even greater love for our husbands. Before I left for the concert Andy gave me a big, loooong kiss followed with, "This is just so you remember what it's like to love a man. Don't go changin' on me tonight."

Andy, I echo Amy's words to Emily. "I'm gonna love you good and strong while our love is good and young."

12 comments:

Erin Darrington said...

uhm can we just say that awesomeness in it's purest form flows from this post? for it doth. thanks for that

Melissa said...

THIS.WAS.SO.FUNNY.
I'm sad I've got a c-section scar and can't really laugh too hard.
I'll have to come back to it in 2-3 weeks, when I'm healed, and read it again.

Cicily said...

Ha ha! That is so funny Hilary. I'm glad you still love my brother after all that :)

Cicily

Molly said...

Sounds like a good concert! The first time I saw them was in Boston and that was an eye opener for little miss small town girl here. In defense of the IG's...I still love their music. Haven't purchased any of their newer stuff though.

Shellee said...

I've been to a few indigo girls concert nad it can be ugly. both the manly women and the dancing. I'm with molly I still love their tunes but haven't bought anything past the early 90's. That was a funny story.

Emily said...

Oh no! One of the Indigo Girls is named Emily?

Lyric Payne said...

You didn't have 50 pounds on her...she had 50 pounds on you and it was all to be seen in that great tank top of hers.

Katie L. said...

Four things.

1)--HILARIOUS POST. I'm excited for you to come back to Moscow. :)

2)--Oh the Indigo Girls. Takes me back to angst-filled summer days as a 16-year-old. I don't know why, except I guess I listened to the Indigo Girls a lot the summer I was 16, and apparently I was full of angst.

3)--I'll bet your disguise as a lesbian drove the real lesbians mad, as I have no doubt you were a very hot fake lesbian.

4)--I can't come up with a #4.

Sijbrich said...

Wow, you had quite a few adventures after our reunion by the portapotties. Iguess I made the mistake of dragging my husband along since it was pretty uneventful way in the back where we were sitting.

Jodiane said...

Yes, I love this post. Thanks for sharing. I went to byu idaho(aka ricks) in the late 1990's and I love them too.

Cindy Zickgraf said...

What an experience! It was hilarious to read about! So glad I got to see you at church this summer. Hope you Moscow treats you well.

Lisa said...

Hillary your having a baby! Yeah and congrats. I'm laughing my guts out here. I too must admit I love the Indigo gals and I just try to block out that they play for the other team. You know when they're singing how everything is ok, and multiply by the power of two....crazy thing! They can't multiply even by the power of 8. That's why we have very handsome men in our lives. They are good for all sorts of things:)