Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Move over, Barefoot Contessa!

I have a sophisticated palate. Sure, I'll eat an occasional Subway sandwich or store bought piece of cake, but my taste buds know what they like, and let me tell you, they are not easily impressed. In fact, I think unimpressability is body-wide for me, not just restricted to my taste buds. I once confessed my feelings for Andy by admitting that I was not easily impressed, but that he constantly surpassed my expectations. He ain't no average Joe, ya know; and neither is the food that goes in my mouth (if you know what I mean).


Andy, too, knows I love to critique which is why he got me a subscription to bon appetit magazine for my birthday. I wonder if he regrets buying this for me, because due to its pretentious nature, it's been some added fuel (calories, if you will) to my attempts at being a food snob.

Whenever I talk about restaurants or food to my co-workers here in Moscow (the town with 4.7 restaurants) I gracefully climb upon my high horse and talk down to them
as if they should wish to be me. However, a few days ago while in my own kitchen I found myself falling fast from that same horse as I charred nearly everything I touched--bacon, kaiser rolls, an artichoke, and a large pot and lid. Literally, the base of the pot warped from melting on the stove. Who does that? And tell me, how does the side of a Bosch mixer 4 inches away from said pot also melt?

What you may not understand, is that not every great chef is born with wearing an apron. Take Julia Child for example. I'm sure she melted a little metal in her early day, yet she could definitely hold her own in the kitchen. So I could have molten some arrow tips from a Costco pot. Big deal--it doesn't mean I don't have potential. All I'm saying is don't be surprised if you someday see me on Food Network bumping out Emeril for the primetime spot.


As for now, bring it, Julia.




6 comments:

Emily said...

I think you're an awesome cook! And thanks for your comment. Now I have to go cry again.

Kyle said...

i once made the most horrible meal for the sister missionaries. it was stir fry-granola fusion. so incredibly dry. emmeril's got some silly catch phrases and that's it. you could be called melting pot hillary? face melting meals? the metalsmith mealer? metal in you mouth?...

Hollie said...

If it makes you feel any better, the first couple of months Sam and I were married we had a gas stove, and you know I loved to wear his shirts with a big bow in my hair. I caught not one, but two of his shirts on fire while cooking dinner on that darn stove. Ruined both of them, and the dinner I'm sure. I know you're a cook of all cooks, so don't fret over this little mishap. Oh, and by the way...I'm a food snob too. Love ya.

Erin said...

Hi cute Hilary... Do you remember me?? I found your blog thanks to Hailey Cahoon... How's life? I miss your sweet face! We have a blog too... let's keep in touch: guymonsays.blogspot.com
-Erin

Quinn, Alexis, Jayden, and Owen Brown said...

yesssss! i love the posts! i haven't blogged forever so i haven't seen the last three of yours. lets see, i love the pictures of your trip (even though i wish there were more of you), i almost peed at the story of you wanting andy to be like steve (and it reminds me of when i threw out all of quinn's clothes and had to start all over. seriously, you should have seen some of his ties, santa clause, basketball, and hawaiian flowered ties. gag me) and i bet you're a great cook and i wish that quinn and i were food snobs...we'll pretty much eat anything. does that cover it all?

Sijbrich said...

My mom gets Bon Apetit and I steal it from her every month. Some of the recipes are a bit too fancy shmancy for me, especially when they call for an ingredient that I can't pronounce or that I've never heard of, but I've also discovered some keepers that have made a permanent home in my recipe book.

I once heard that Julia Child didn't take up cooking until she was middle aged, so that still gives you lots o' time to catch up to her.;-) Good luck. and don't burn down your apartment or house or wherever you live anytime soon, you hear? Although that would make a really funny story for the blog...